Your Tail Lights Fading Up The Street.

"There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all
And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night"

I am really struggling rite now, I cant stop thinking of Rachel. I hate it. I absolutely hate the fact that She wont leave my thoughts. I hate her for that, she is gone physically but I still see her everywhere I look. I am trying hard to be positive but sometimes it's really hard.

I just can't believe how bad of scars she left, and maybe thats why I am afraid to fall in love again. Maybe thats why when ever a girl asks me to hang out I say I am busy even if I am not. Just afraid of putting myself out there. I Pray for the day that I dont feel anything. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I really did love her at one point, I would have done any thing for her. 

But now that she is gone, it's like we never loved at all. what I felt was all just a lie. all the "I love you's" were shallow and full of false security. I just wish I could forget and move on.  but time heals all wounds and I know one day I will be okay. I just really wish I had a really good ladie friend, not a girl friend. but a girl I can talk to every day and hang out with and talk to and just be my friend for now. I would really love that. It's hard to deal with this alone, cause all I want is to have someone in my arms, I am bad at being lonley. but I know this time is for the best so I can find who I need to find one day, this road I am taking will lead me to her, and when I find her. I will never let her go, and I will love her forever and never stop. I am not like most guys, I just wanna fall in love Maybe I am stupid for thinking like that but there is no changing how I feel.

well I guess thats all for now

-Spencer