to whom it may concern

Is it hard to just give me a little support.
Instead of fighting me and getting mad at me and telling me how much I cant do it, why dont you all just give me encouragement.
I just need some one to help me and love me and encourage me. not yell at me and tell me that its not fair.
cause its not but its what we got, so I have to fix this.

I dont know, I just feel really alone rite now. I have to finish some make up credit packets, and one of them is due in a few weeks and my parents are freaking out at me, and telling me how much Iam going to fall on my face. and my best friend rachel is mad at me.
WELL I AM SORRY I AM SUCH A FOOL

maybe my dad would be happy if I wasnt his son.
My brother steven is soo much better than me, he has good grades, he is skinny, he is a super spiritual guy,
and me I am fat, I have okay grades, and I am just dumb

I am trying to do my best, I get distracted, and yes I shouldn't but every one is different.
and Math is really hard for me to understand,

I am sorry for all the stress I have caused every one.



I just need to be alone, all by myself for a while. I dont wanna make any one upset any more. I am sick of the pain.



so Ill be alone for a while.



-Spencer

Foreplay Was Never My Forte

Well this week has been one of the best. I got to go over to my moms for a week and spend time with my family.
I got to see my Rachel again, we hung out all day Saturday, from........seven.....in the morning to about 11 at night. It was a great day.  Also a super spiritual one as well. I have come to realize that I lover so much for what happened. but yeah
I hope that this week will be good. I have to go back to school tomorrow, but at least Rachel will be there so it  will be fun. I miss her so much rite now. I look at pictures of her and I cant help to think that I am so lucky she is my best friend, and that one day I am going to marry her.
Even though I know she is mine, I get a little jealous sometimes but thats okay.
I really dont wanna go back home because my dad is going to be a jerk, I already can see it, they are going to keep bugging me about my stupid packet, and not even be happy to see me. OH WELL.

You gotta live with what you got so yeah.
Any way thats it for tonight.

Thanks for reading

-Spencer

Hey yall

PI2

I arose before the sun,

I set my coarse to nightlight city

with your hand in mind I feel everthing is alright.

with a few songs, and some tears shed this night, its sure one to remember

If only for a moment you could see what I see. oh for just a second could you feel what I felt.

Don't just sit there sweet heart, its time for a little adventure.

your face is laking in color, let me fix that for you. 

It comes and goes faster than we want, but slower than we excpected

I know how you feel, and thats why I am still here.

You know how I feel, and thats why we can change

cause there is no I in us.

THANK YOU!

Here I am,

one year later

still trying to think of what I am thankful for.

First and foremost

The savior Jesus Christ.

I have not met him on my earthly life, yet I know he lives and loves and helps me ever single day of my life.

without his attonement I would have no way back to my heavenly father

He is my best friend, I love reading his scriptures and learning more about him and hearing his words  every day in my life.

He is THE king of kings, and I love him and I am glad I found my way back to him.

Second, My Parents

MOM

She is THE kindest, most loving person. She helps me when I need it. she always put her kids before herself. 

and she deals with me, she knows how to help me and gladly does it, she is beautiful and so amazing.

I give her the best mom in the world award. she is so good to me. I love her. and I am so thankfull for her.

DAD

well, my dad is an interesting man. He seems to like to be 100% selfless all the time, he really likes to make sure that he is the last one to eat at the dinner table. and he actually like to cook dinner for our family! he is a crazy man. but I love him. I hope that one day when I am a father I can be as good to my children and My dad has been to me. He always helps me, always. He is one of the strongest men to walk the earth. He has had alot of misfortune in his life, but yet he is still happy and is still the best dad ever. I love him and I Know he loves me too.

Third

RACHEL FAITH HOWARD

She is my best friend in the world. I love her. and I am not ashamed to say it. she is so beautiful, her laugh is the best I have ever heard. she has one of the best christ like hearts I have ever seen in a person. she thinks I am attractive, I dont know how she can see that but I love it, 

she has helped me through mountains of struggles, and now I am happier person. when ever we are together we have so much fun, we always talk about the future. and she is so so so so so selfless, she called me at like 6:30 A:M one time to make sure I was okay. she never stops helping me and I love her so much. She is a HUGE example to me, and one of the most Christ like people I Have ever met.

next off The Yeah P group

Jared, Nik, Preston.

they are my best guy friends, we are always doing something so crazy and fun. we can go to mc donalds and see gay guys with nice make up and cute bags and it's okay. they are the best group of guys I know. and I love the dearly!

bumble breath, 

he is my wizard, my bro for life. and maybe the best firend I have always had

I have known him since 8th grade and we have been best friends since. he is so creative and so amazing. we are always laughing and do something crazy. I love him so much!

I am thankfull for:

the gospel

ALL my friends

my house

my bed

my clothes

my food

my job

my every thing

and my debate coach webster ( he is the coolest teacher I have ever had)

I recognize the lords hand in every aspect of my life, and with out him I am nothing

HAPPY THANKS GIVING EVERYONE! 

and for a moment, there was nothing but silence.

It's a thrill ride, watch as my skin goes tight.
Such a damaging process, its not the only thing I learned over the year.
its so fun pushing over buildings, its so fun destroying everything you touch

my mind is blocked,
FIGHT!
REBEL!
DESTROY!
I cant get those thought out of my head

I have destroyed this whole god forsaken city.
and the only survivor, is the only person I love.
I stare so carefully, at the ruin I have created.
I cant fix this on my own.

Even when everything is fixed, It will never be the same.

how do I explain this mess, how can I take back what I have done.
I took her heart and ripped it in half with my hands before I even knew her.
how can I mend something this detrimental.
How can this be?
its something I cant take.
but something I have to.



I am free man
But freedom doesn't come for free
I am haunted,
I am forgotten
I am a mess

lock me up
and let me take the beatings as they come
I am sorry.
I am sorry.

some say the weather is a monster, others say Hitler was a gentlemen

well
they warned us about a blizzard, it was more like a light snow shower
nothing to bad.

but wow Rachel is in taxes, I MISS HER!

but she will be home before I know it
we talked for 3 hours last night on the phone
it was crazy

I have to go into work today, its going to be busy, and I am not to thrilled about that.
but tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am pumped for FOOD
haha I really need to see Rachel, ugh, its so weird not seeing her.

but anyway I am bored.
thanks for reading

This weekend

Well Rachel is coming over today.
I am exited, she might be able to meet my step sister Amanda.

ANY WAY

I have a debate tournament on saturday
I really have no Idea what I will be doing,
I forgot what I signed up for, so I better find out fast.
ha
So I am just listing to some dubstep

well see ya kids later

The A,B,C's Were Never as Easy as 1,2,3

When you love someone you can tell, when you're in love with someone everyone else can tell.
It's such a funny thing, The more you fall for that one lucky person they never seem to be willing to catch you.
Its only when your on the ground bleeding and broken that they decide to lend a helping hand. Most of the time thats when every one just gets up and brushes of their pants and keeps walking. In my case its very different, I got back and fell again, for the same person. But this time I took her with me. She never excpected it but now we are both on the ground not wanting to get up. Because down here no one can see us and no one will judge. But as easy as that sounds, we are still on the ground, and people always walk right over us.
Everyone is trying to break what we have. Everyone trying to get what we have. No one will ever really know what I feel down here with her. But as the as the dawn comes as a child exited for Christmas we stand to our feet.
Its a weird feeling standing back up with someone not willing to leave. I must leave, It's something I have to do.
Farewell my love, Ill be home before you know it.

so you know when you wake up and think "today is going to suck"?

well today is not one of those days


grow up





-The wizard

Work

Work sucks
:/