July 12th, 2010

 I remember the days when I was woken with a kiss. 

I remember the turning of my stomach when I saw you drive down my street

I remember Loosing myself in you.

I remember Thursday Night date's 

I remember Not knowing where to go

I remember you looking down on me

I remember the sad look in your eyes when you looked at me.

I remember the light in your smile

I remember That light leaving

I remember you  hanging up on me

I remember You ignoring my calls

I remember the Night you chose him over me.

I remember the tears you cried when I said it was over

I remember the monster you became

I remember walking away forever.

I look back and realize You never were the one for me. 

I remember July 12th 2010

With that being said I am trying very hard to nevermore look back at what we "had"

Goodbye old friend. 

-Spencer

Bonfires,Lighting Storms,and Scary movies

Hello Everyone, I hope you're all doing well!

First of all I wanna say that I love the weather rite now. Its been raining and thundering all day. Finally, some cool weather. I love it. It makes me feel at peace and also a little unsettling. Its been nice not sweating every second of the day ha ha ha.
Well I was supposed to go to a bonfire tonight, but I am not sure if it is still going to happen or not cause of the rain, but I hope we all still hang out. I love being around friends. So my sister and her husband have been up here visiting us, they got here yesterday and they will be here until Monday. I am happy to see them again. We watched a really good Horror movie last night called VHS, man it was so good. It really did freak me out! I love actually getting freaked out from movies! This lightning has been amazing, I really enjoy it for some odd reason. Maybe it just shows the Earth in action. I am just fascinated by Nature.

Yesterday was a hard day. I was kind of running a little late to school. and it was just annoying. Brittany texted me and asked to eat lunch with her, I was so stoked, so Of coarse I said yes, but in a mass confusion and miss-communication it didn't happen. So that made me pretty mad, And I had to sit in the union by my self for a couple hours. Things did get better as the day went. I spent some time down in Layton with Kyle and then had a movie night with him and our buddy James. It was a pretty fun time.

I guess I will end with this:
I have been looking hard for a place to give my heart. I am not sure why but I just cant stop myself from getting attached to things easily. In turn this usually results in me getting upset or hurt because we cant rely on the world for happiness. We really have to dig deep in our selves and find what truly makes us the happiest. I love to write music and edit videos. That is what I LOVE to do, And I put a lot of myself in to my work. If we can find a place to put our heart that we know wont let us down, I feel that we can really be okay. I am still keeping my head up and letting life take its coarse with me. I am very blessed to be where I am rite now. I am happy I have good friends Like , Alayna, Alexandria, Kyle, and Cody.
I hope your weekend stays wonderful :)

-Spencer

Old People and Thunderstorms

Hello Everyone. How are you today? Good I hope. If you read my last post you will know I am trying hard to stay happy with what I have rite now and look for the good in things. I am still doing this, and I have noticed some more things in my life that I need to appreciate more.

There is a storm coming in tonight. I am so happy that we are finally getting some cloud coverage and some rain, It's been way to hot these last few weeks. I love it when it rains. When ever I find that special girl, we will snuggle on the porch and watch the storm. That sounds kinda girly but I don't even care. That is what I want.

Well I got on my old computer today to look for some photos I needed. Nostalgia was kind of kicking in today so I wanted to go back and look all the pictures of me and my buddies. I was enjoying all the fun pictures of us from years ago when I stumbled upon a folder called "R+S"  I wasn't sure what this folder was so out of curiosity I decided to open it and see what was inside of it. To my surprise it was a folder full of pictures of Rachel and I. Now I get it, the folder name R+S (Rachel and Spencer) I was kind of shocked. So I started to look through them. I found lots of pictures of us doing all sorts of things. . I really didn't know what to think. I wasn't sad, I wasn't happy. Just in a neutral state of being. After a little bit I closed the folder and continues what I was doing. I found some old song I wrote, Man I write some really weird things hahaha I sent a few of them to my friend Cody. Well as I was getting off the computer I thought that I should delete that folder of pics of us. But me having ADHD I got distracted and forgot, so I guess that means I need to go back and do it later.

I also was able to drive my new car today, It was nice to get out of the house and do things on my own. But after I get home and hang out for a while I decide to go back out, but now the car wont start. I  think its just the battery, or the oil. I saw the oil light on. I guess I will have to go get some oil later this week. I also visited Kyle today at his work and to my surprise I found out that an old pal of mine works there too. what a small world! So I guess my younger sister Celeste is going to a alternative High school so she can be on track to graduate. She is also moving to my dads house this weekend. What a big change for her. I am kind of bummed out because We are finally becoming more chill with each other and now she is moving. It will be good for her to go to a new school and a new house. I know she will like it once she gets used to it.

Hmm I wanna say that I miss having someone around to love, but I am still looking for all the good in my life rite now. I am happy that I have good friends and a nice family. Speaking of family my sister and brother in law are coming up tomorrow! I am so excited to hang out with them again.
Well I guess  I will end with this

I may be alone. But I am not lonely. I enjoy time by myself. It's something I had to learn this summer. It's okay to be alone. In fact I am enjoying it more and more now don't get me wrong I love to do things with my friends but when I am not with them I do enjoy sitting here in my room listing to music. I think it's a good way to catch my self and really think about things. But one day I wont have to spend every night alone. I am looking forward to that. I guess you call me a hopeless romantic :P and way I guess that's it for today.
I hope you all have a great weekend!

-Spencer

You wont be able to catch me when I shift to, MAXIMUM OVER DRIVE.

Hello Readers..I wonder if any one actually is reading these.
Any way Let's get started shall we? So I started College this week. Well It's my second semester haha. I am taking a psychology class and a history class. Well today when I went in to my history class two things happened.

First Thing: I met this girl Named Brittany, she is cute and she is very social. She asked me about my cast and how I broke my leg and things. I explained how I broke it and we shared a couple laughs and then both went back to our own business. I will get back to this in a minuet.

Second thing: While waiting for class to begin another Professor comes in the room and gets our attention. She told us that our Teacher, Dr. Vikkers, Mother died last night and that she was on a plane to the state where her mother is from. Now I was stoked that class was cancelled, but It made me think.
Death.. Such a common thing in life, It has to happen to make way for new life. Also I was thinking that life changes pretty quick on us. I bet that my Teacher had no Idea her mother was going to die last night. It just shows how fast things can change around us. Example, I was just hiking with Kyle enjoying nature and the next thing I know I am on the ground in pain with a broken leg.

Now because life moves so quick we have to stop, turn off the phone, close the laptop and enjoy what is around us. Take a moment out of your day to tell the people in your life that you love them and give them a big hug. You never know when it will be the last time you see them. Also enjoy what you have. I spend to much time complaining about things I wish were better in my life or things that I miss. I should be loving and enjoying what I have in front of me rite now. So that is exactly what I am going to start doing. I am going to live in the moment and enjoy what I have here and now. Why? because It's all I have. I want to make every moment count. So if you are reading this I hope you take to heart what I am trying to say. GO live, love, and keep moving forward. Enjoy your life NOW,  don't wait for tomorrow to come, Wish for this day to never end. I am challenging you all to do this with me.

Getting back to what I was saying earlier.
I was sitting in the Union building waiting for Kyle to get out of his class when I saw her (Brittany) alone at a table about 20-30 feet away from me. I wanted to go talk to her but I didn't know what to say. I always choke up and forget what to say when I talk to girls. So I stand up and look her way trying not to be obvious, as soon as I build up enough nerve to talk to her, a special needs guy goes up and sits next to her. SHOOT. I missed my chance. I felt defeated so I sat back down and started doing what ever I was doing on my laptop. A few minuets later I look over and she is still there with that guy, so I got up and started walking down the hall when I saw Kyle. we walked over to the school store and he got a sandwich and I got some doughnut holes. I love those things ha ha they are so good. but not good for me. but any way we went to sit down and she was gone. Now I was kind of upset, I wanted to go talk to her but I hesitated and missed my chance. well about ten minutes late I look behind Kyle and there she was at a booth with another girl. I told Kyle that I was going to go talk to her while he went to the math hub. SO I got up and went over to talk to her and sure enough she was happy and smiling and invited me to sit down. She was eating lunch with a friend. We all talked for a while, laughed and shared story's. It was refreshing. Well I got her number and sent her a text. we all went our ways after a while and we started to text a little bit. I met back up with Kyle and waited for him to finish his homework and then we left and caught the shuttle back to the parking lot.

That was my day at school, well most of it any way. Just an interesting day. OH and I went to school with out my crutches today, It made it a lot easier to get around and not be slow as heck. I am still slow but not as much as when I am with my crutches. I am excited for what the future holds for me and I am ready to take it.

Well I guess that's all I have to say today.
-Spencer

Sucker Punch Sunday

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Today is Sunday, the day before I go back for my second semester of college. I start tomorrow morning at 11:30 A:M with psychology. I am kinda nervous for what lies ahead. At the same time I am super excited. The only thing I am not excited for is walking around campus with this stupid cast on my leg.

So last night I went to some a freinds house and watched a movie called "Sucker Punch" and oh my glob, It was so amazing. I loved it. The movie itself was made so well and had the coolest shots and action scenes ever. The story was amazing too. I am not going to go into detail about the story but it was seriously good.

I was pretty upset in my last post, sometimes I let the worst of it get the best of me. I am doing a lot better, I just felt like I had to let it all out, cause now I am feeling a lot better. I am glad I have good friends who help me out.
Any way I am still pretty tired, I think this good enough for today, I will be sure to keep writing tomorrow after my first day.

have a good day every one
-Spencer

Your Tail Lights Fading Up The Street.

"There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all
And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night"

I am really struggling rite now, I cant stop thinking of Rachel. I hate it. I absolutely hate the fact that She wont leave my thoughts. I hate her for that, she is gone physically but I still see her everywhere I look. I am trying hard to be positive but sometimes it's really hard.

I just can't believe how bad of scars she left, and maybe thats why I am afraid to fall in love again. Maybe thats why when ever a girl asks me to hang out I say I am busy even if I am not. Just afraid of putting myself out there. I Pray for the day that I dont feel anything. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I really did love her at one point, I would have done any thing for her. 

But now that she is gone, it's like we never loved at all. what I felt was all just a lie. all the "I love you's" were shallow and full of false security. I just wish I could forget and move on.  but time heals all wounds and I know one day I will be okay. I just really wish I had a really good ladie friend, not a girl friend. but a girl I can talk to every day and hang out with and talk to and just be my friend for now. I would really love that. It's hard to deal with this alone, cause all I want is to have someone in my arms, I am bad at being lonley. but I know this time is for the best so I can find who I need to find one day, this road I am taking will lead me to her, and when I find her. I will never let her go, and I will love her forever and never stop. I am not like most guys, I just wanna fall in love Maybe I am stupid for thinking like that but there is no changing how I feel.

well I guess thats all for now

-Spencer

The weather may be hot, but my laptop is hotter.

So My leg is doing better, I went to the doctors yesterday for my first check up after the surgery. Everything is healing the way it should and I am on the rite track for a proper healing.
So Today an old friend of mine came and visited me, Her name is Katie. I have known her for a long time, Since I was in 8th grade. I haven't really talked to her in over a year. But she came by today and dropped of some chocolate chip cookies she made just for me. We talked and caught up with each other for at leas two hours, but ya know what? It didn't even feel that long. It was so nice of her to do that. I am so happy that she came by, it was exactly what I needed. It just proves that there are nice people out their in the world. She is going to Weber State too so I will be able to maybe see her around campus! Speaking of school I start back up this Monday! It's crazy to think that I will be back in school again. I haven't been in school since late April! I am nervous but I will do my best to get the best grades possible. SOOOO I have been building The temple of time on minecraft the last few nights and I am about half way done, It's taking FOREVER.

Well I guess that is about it for today.
-Spencer